I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
