i think my tv is drunk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Randomize
