It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Who died my cat blue again?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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