The brown eye won't let me do that either.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
