Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
