woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
