I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
