she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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