Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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