Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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