You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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