No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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