All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
