I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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