dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
