you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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