The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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