new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
