I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
