Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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