Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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