mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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