I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize