Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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