why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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