After last night, I could never be a politician.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
