So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
