don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
