You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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