Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
