Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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