FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
A bitchslap is in order.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
