I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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