I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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