i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
