I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
