Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
