it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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