Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
