I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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