New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
