someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
