I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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