i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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