It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
