Princesses don't give blow jobs
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
