I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
