dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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