people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
