Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
