the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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