She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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