Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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