I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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