News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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