maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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