dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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