She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
