Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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