haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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