You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
