We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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