Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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