why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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