All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
