i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
