I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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