Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
