I'm going to jail i love you
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
