wakey wakey hands off snakey
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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