i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
